Your story is about an embarrassing thing you said during a blind date. Please share another time you stuck your foot in your mouth.
Fortunately (with the exception of the most recent story) I have become more tactful over the years. So, it's a struggle to think of times during my adulthood where I really put my foot in my mouth. My childhood is another story. At one point, my father was doing a lot of business with Russia. It was not uncommon for us to have some Russian businessman (typically very refined + conservative) over for dinner with his interpreter. One time when one was over and I was giving him a tour of the house (I was a good tour guide), the interpreter picked up one of my antique dolls when we stopped in my playroom. The Russian said to her, "You look like the Madonna & child." I was impressed by his knowledge of American pop culture. After dinner when the adults were having coffee, I bounded into the living room with two Madonna albums, "Like A Prayer" and "Erotica". "Have you seen these in Russia?" I asked. Evidently, he was talking about a different Madonna. Who knew?
You have a dog named Versace. Tell us a Versace story.
I truly admire those people who rescue abandoned dogs from animal shelters. I'm not one of those people though. I like a particular type of rare breed dog that has superior breeding and extensive paperwork. Finding Versace was not an easy process. I had searched high and low until I found a breeder I approved of. The day had finally arrived for me to get him. The woman had told me that she wouldn't pre-place a specific dog with its owners until I could meet the entire litter. I knew that I wanted Versace though. He was the smallest, the whitest and the calmest. When I walked into her home I was horrified to find that there was a woman and her 10 y/o son there - they were also looking at the dogs. There was Versace in the boy's lap. The kid was not holding one but THREE puppies. I grimaced, braced myself and politely ask the heavily perfumed woman "Oh, have you just started looking?" She replied, "Yes, but we can't decide." That was my cue. I immediately swooped in, picked up Versace and said, "Oh really? I have." and handed the breeder my check. I felt guilty for about 20 seconds but then I figured that I saved Versace from getting some stupid name like "Snowball" and possibly dying of asphyxiation on the woman's perfume.
If you had to be stranded on a deserted island with only five items, what would they be?
A survival book, a mirror, vodka w/ rocks that never melt, Mr. Big from Sex & the City.
What would your autobiography be titled?
Strength, Grace and Some Profanity.
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